See Clair learn resilience (and fly fishing)

About a week after we first started dating, Adam told me about his family's trips to Colorado. After briefly mentioning the beautiful scenery and windy roads, he moved on to fly fishing. I learned about the sport's meditative and frustrating aspects and his affinity for it. Any trips he took out West, it seemed, would include several days in waders and a vest. Though some of the information filtered through, I tuned most of it out because I thought I might be able to get out of it. This spring, we finally planned a trip to Colorado. All I knew of fly fishing was that lures were artificial and learning the sport would make Adam happy. When he brought home a rod to teach me how to cast without a lure, I put off scheduling our date as long as possible. I procrastinated so well, in fact, that I only got an hour's practice before the actual trip.

During our time in Colorado, we fished almost every day. On the fifth day, I lapsed back into messy casting habits. As the frustration and hanger mounted, I got mean. Then I got out of the water. After 10 or 15 minutes and a granola bar, I started moving again. Not long after, I caught a feisty rainbow trout.

As someone who has gotten used to doing well at her hobbies and work, learning to fish was a different experience. The most interesting lesson in it for me had nothing to do about fish, but about my approach to marketing my talents. I had been pitching ideas without an exact target or followthrough. In both fishing and writing, omitting these two steps belies sloppy technique.

Since I returned home, I have been gathering information for new story ideas and am currently in the process of drafting tighter queries and letters of introduction to editors. Though even the best worded letter or spooled out line may not get a hit, doing it well and often heightens the chances it will succeed. As the old saw goes, "if at first you don't succeed, try, try, try again."

Do or do not. There is no try

Since I graduated college, I have resisted defining myself by my job title. After being raised to be the author of my own story, the idea of describing my identity with others' words makes me feel like some manic pixie dream girl. Once I quit my day job to bartend and freelance, I have fewer reservations about shaping titles like these to fit my life.

Not using these titles became an excuse. Denying that I am a writer and a runner gives me the slack I need to put off blog posts and speed drills. Not admitting these parts of my identity gives me the room to fail without fear of consequence. If I'm not a writer, having a pitch ignored or rejected is just part of being an amateur freelancer. If I'm not a runner, spending the afternoon on my couch instead of the sidewalk isn't neglecting a training routine, it's personal care.

The truth is that I am both a writer and a runner. My spreadsheet of story ideas and markets won't pitch itself, and I'll never be able to run 3.11 miles if I don't lace up. Pretending that I have no responsibility to these titles won't cut it anymore. I simply can't ignore it anymore.

Tonight I work my first solo bartending shift at Octane. Though I haven't been too hesitant about calling myself a bartender, I qualify the title by adding "baby" or "in training." Truthfully, I will be learning new parts of the craft during every shift I work. If I keep using a qualified title now, I may never stop, further hindering my ability to hone my skills.

Needless to say, the denial and qualifications stop now. I am a writer, runner and bartender, and should direct my energy to develop these abilities instead of denying them. It's about damn time.

Today's title comes from Yoda's speech to Luke.

An ordinary life

A year is a surprisingly long time. At the beginning of August last year, I was on the verge of starting my first non-temporary office job. I had never seriously considered a career as a freelance writer, personally blogged or mixed a classic cocktail.

After spending several months in a cubicle, I was restless, lethargic and generally miserable. Tutoring and freelancing were the only paid gigs that reflected what I'd learned during my time in school, so I focused my energy there. At a certain point, it was too much. I'm pretty good at pacing myself, but six hours of sleep couldn't replenish the amount of energy burned each day.

Then I got an offer I couldn't expect -- a chance to learn the art of craft cocktails from one of my favorite bartenders in Birmingham. Two years' experience writing about cocktails had given me a taste of the industry, but not the deeper knowledge I needed to cover the topic in depth. My full-time job wouldn't accomodate this change, so I put in my two weeks' notice.

Yes, I quit my job to tend bar. Yes, it may sound like a quarter life crisis. No, it was not a bad idea.

So far, it's been one of the best decisions I've ever made. I have learned how to properly stir/shake a cocktail, explain a bar's worth of product and actually taste wine/beer/liqueur/liquor. Historical cocktail books became my reading materials, and my drink flashcards became a permanent fixture in my purse.

I love it. I love it all, and through it I've become part of the up-and-coming food and drink scene in Birmingham.

With my recent career and lifestyle changes, I've been considering splitting this blog into sections: writing, mixing and running. All three are topics I love, and each brings a part of my life into balance. However, the division into three separate blogs might be out of reach both financially and time-wise. For now, I will categorize posts based on these topics.

Today's title comes from a yoga instructor's discussion of the importance of an ordinary life. Obviously, my definition of ordinary has drastically changed over the past few months.

What is holding you back today?

Last week, I hobbled out of an (unexpectedly) hot yoga session with the instructor's question ringing in my ears. Since then, it has stuck with me, and on closer inspection, I've uncovered several things.

Mindfulness is absolutely necessary for maintaining a full and happy life. Last night's run sent me into a sneaky (self-)hate spiral, and left me wallowing in my car about my lack of athletic prowess for a few minutes. Afterwards, I started my car and drove home to write and cook. Despite the mild dehydration and soreness, my run fulfilled its purpose and burned off the excess energy that was keeping me distracted and unproductive.

Maintaining consistency is hard. Whether in scheduling, writing, bartending or exercising, perfect practice is the key to building skill and talent. Even if the drafts don't make it online or a shaker is full of ice water or a run is less than two miles, it's still improving my techniques if its done right.

Professionally and personally, rejection is not something to fear. Expanding into new markets as a freelance writer will inevitably involve rejection. Some relationships don't work out, and others end in bloody disagreement. However, this risk is offset by the deep and lasting connections that can be forged by taking chances.

Work diligently to combine passion and talent. Up to this point, my professional life has largely been an exercise in earning money. Now, a portion of my income is entirely dependent on my pursuing my freelancing goals. Once the school year starts back, tutoring will help offset my living expenses, but that still leaves my daytimes free to write and explore my interests. Venturing into bossland (even if I am my only employee) will be an adventure, and I promise to share it with the Internets on here.

Running for fun?

I fall into certain practices and habits very quickly. Unfortunately, exercise and fashion are the exceptions to that rule, so starting any sort of program or regular routine is very difficult. After I started running with Adam on Sundays, it was as much to my surprise as his when I began running with another friend during the week.

Then I was invited to go to a group class at Resolute Running, a Homewood-based running gym. Even when I could barely run a mile, they encouraged me to call myself a runner. During that time, Adam challenged me to push myself in running the way I push myself to do better in every other aspect of my life. At first, I was offended. These runs allowed me to wallow in my lack of athleticism instead of working out.

Once I thought about it for a time, I made the choice to push myself just a little bit more, but also to cross train and be mindful of my joints. After only four weeks, I could run almost 1.5 miles without stopping or severe joint pain. Though it might not sound like much, I am now regularly running longer routes than have compromised my knees in the past.

My goal is currently to run a 5K, then to work with a coach at Resolute Running to come up with a plan for a half marathon (a what?). I have recently purchased an actual athletic shirt, and have plans to go running in Philadelphia while I'm in there.

For me, continuing to run is now like sticking with physics in college. Neither of these things come easily to me, and I've poked fun of individuals who were masochistic enough to push through on either path. Finishing my physics degree became one of the biggest challenges I've ever faced, and completing it extremely satisfying.

It is my hope that crossing the finish line at my first 5K will be just as much of a rush. At this point, maybe I'll start actually calling myself a runner. Maybe. Until then, I'll keep going for runs.

Blame Maldon Sea Salt

If I ever develop heart disease, blame Maldon Sea Salt. Blame it for my licked clean fingers

After each pinch drops into

The pan of symmetric vegetable slices.

Blame the flake shared from a fingertip

For lighting a slow-burning love

Of cooking and a freckly back.

Blame its pyramids for writing a fresh rhythm

That stirred two bodies to dance

Between a spitting pan and sticky ball of naan.

Blame Maldon Sea Salt for a full heart.

A pocket-sized practice

When I told Carla Jean Whitley that my chiropractor had strongly suggested I do more yoga, she said, "I like your chiro." A few minutes later, Carla Jean suggested the Pocket Yoga app. She is an avid yogi, so I took her word that the app was solid and paid my $3 for the download. For its price, the app's offerings are substantial. Since it is a phone-based app, the location of its use is only limited by your phone's battery life. The user can select the duration and difficulty of each of the five preset practices. Each sequence is accompanied by soothing background music, and more difficult poses are shown  from different sides for the user to better imitate the stance.

A list of poses organized by type of movement, difficulty or name is also available. Each physical position and its benefits is described in detail. This app is most useful for people who have taken a couple professionally led classes and are passingly familiar with the basic poses. So far, it has provided variety to my practice while my budget tightened.

However, the app does have a few downsides. The narrator's intonation of "inhaaaaale" and "exhaaaaale" is mildly annoying. Part of each sequence I've tried has an extended period where the user alternates between two poses. The repetition builds core and back strength, but can be tedious after a while.

Most busy yogis can find time for a 30 minute practice at home even if they do not have time for an hour-long class at a local studio. With the cost of both transport and the classes themselves, this app can be a good supplement to a regular group practice.

Disclaimer: All opinions expressed in this review were my own. I was not compensated for writing it.

EDITED REPOST: Activity vs. fitness

Fitness is inherently social. From weight rooms to running groups to spin classes, the gym can be a great place to connect with others who share your goals. Like social media, it can be a good place to start conversations that require further face time to complete.  I, on the other hand, am active. During office hours I move as much as possible and probably burn hundreds of calories from the stress of mini-commutes between tutoring lessons.

In the world of new media, social media is becoming an integral part the fitness process. The same people who over share about their lives in general usually treat physical activity the same way (“Headed to the gym! LOL #workinonmyfitness”). Others use social media networks to build a network of accountability.

Likewise, gyms and groups have begun using Facebook and Twitter to connect with potential clients. Inspire Fitness in Southside is one of those places. I was invited to try Inspire by Gabe Rios, deputy director of Lister Hill Library and one of the co-owners of the gym. I took one of his Friday Happy Hour spin classes last year and (miraculously) made it through. Gabe’s class gave me a runner’s high for the first time in too long.

Two years ago, I had the pleasure of writing an article on Magic City Cycle Chix, a local women’s cycling group. Since Kim Cross started this Facebook group in January 2011, this community has grown to almost 600 members and has put on some awesome programs. Unfortunately, I have not had the chance to attend any of the workshops they've hosted, but I have it on good information that these events were awesome.

Here in Birmingham, local writers have started blogs like The Jen West Quest and Who Ate My Blog? to document their weight loss journeys. Putting this information on the Internet has allowed them to build a supportive community for their goals and publicly document their progress.

At this point, I’m seriously considering adopting a similar system. Even since my chiropractor diagnosed me with mild scoliosis and an unhealthily tight sacrum and set of shoulders, I have still been skipping workouts. Yoga replaces the muscular pain and stiffness with comfortable soreness, but it also takes time. As I ease into another set of changes to my schedule, I want need to start carving out an hour every few days regardless of what's going on. After all, my doctor mentioned it so it must be important.

See Jane grow: Getting to know Javacia Harris Bowser

Javacia Harris Bowser is one of my favorite Birmingham women. Though she is already a full-time English teacher and busy freelance writer, she is also committed to building a connective and supportive network for woman writers in Birmingham. Named See Jane Write, this organization holds workshops to help established and aspiring writers hone their craft. Not surprisingly, she has recently been contacted by individuals from other cities about founding chapters outside of Birmingham.

This summer, Bowser plans to fulfill a childhood dream by launching a magazine. I spoke with her by e-mail a while back about the connectivity of social media and her current projects.

Write, Clair. Write!: How did you first start using social media?

JHB: When I was in grad school I heard all of the undergrad students in the communications class I taught talking about something called Facebook. I didn’t think much of it then, but after I graduated and got a job at an alternative weekly my new co-workers were all talking about this Facebook thing too so I decided to check it out and I’ve been hooked ever since.

Around that time, though, I was mostly into MySpace. (Remember that website?) I even maintained a blog through my MySpace where I posted about my life and posted my poetry. I joke about MySpace nowadays, but that website actually showed me how you could build a platform, share your art, and express yourself online and through social media.

WCW: I know that you are a huge advocate of using Twitter as a connective medium. What do you like most about it?

JHB: I love that Twitter can allow you to connect with people you may have otherwise never met. Just think about it, if it weren’t for Twitter I may not have ever met you! [Editor's note: That story is well-documented here.]

WCW: How are you using social media to build your Writeous Babe Project and See Jane Write brands?

JHB: I have Facebook pages and Twitter accounts for both WriteousBabe.com and See Jane Write.

I also have Instagram and Pinterest accounts for Writeous Babe, but being a writer I suck at photo-based social media. I’m working on getting better.

My big social media success story has actually been with the See Jane Write Facebook group. I have managed to build an amazing community with that page, with women writers sharing blog posts, writing wisdom, dreams, goals and so much more via this page.

WCW: What would be your advice to Gen Y and Millennials on social media use?

JHB: Always be mindful of how you are presenting yourself on social media. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t show personality. You absolutely should show personality and you should be genuine. But don’t tell your followers and fans all your life problems. Facebook is not your therapist. Don’t post pictures of yourself drunk or half-naked and NEVER use your social media accounts to bad mouth your boss.

Also, consider how you can use social media to help other people instead of always simply thinking about how you can use it to help yourself. Take time to use social media to promote other people and their work, to share valuable information, and to connect people.

Split a decision with long division

When I landed my first big girl job, I panicked. Taking over responsibility for my health and car insurance payments seemed more daunting at the time than finishing hundreds of hours of physics research. I had budgeted my time and money before, but needed more support and clearly outlined goals. I needed to invest money in envelopes or time in finding a web-based service.

My first instinct was to go back to Mint. I had first adopted this service two years ago after researching quite a few budgeting and business apps for my first freelancing article. Though the Mint app was free, its interface was anything but intuitive. To this day, I couldn't tell you how to set a budget or savings goals on that website. After a few months of bill reminders and weekly spending reports, I abandoned that account.

Instead of revamping my Mint account, I started googling. Several articles later, I stumbled across LearnVest. The web-based service was still in Beta testing, but the interface was clean and the budget center easy to navigate. In 20 minutes, I had set a budget, marked financial goals and enrolled in a budgeting boot camp.

I spent several hours surfing their Knowledge Center section. Reading stories from others in their 20s, 30s and even 40s who were starting from scratch has been a powerful motivator. The daily e-mails about articles and service updates keeps me engaged and reminds me that my money and debt exist. It also reminds me that I am not alone.

Since then, LearnVest has introduced an app that miniaturizes most of the services available on the website including the articles. Using a combination of the app and online services and the envelope system, I reached my first savings goal last month. At the same time, we have built up a vacation fund by saving loose change and using a rewards-based credit card for all grocery (6%) and gas (3%) purchases.

Even though money is tight, a modest beach weekend is on the horizon with plans to travel to points further afield this summer. None of it would be possible without a budget and a plan.

Today's title is from Bo Burnham's "New Math." Full disclaimer: I did not receive compensation for this review.

Can you just be whelmed?

As I have said several times before, one of my biggest struggles is balancing my schedule and making time to be mindful. Right now, my hamper of clean laundry is overflowing and dust bunnies are breeding like…rabbits in my house while a shameful number of unfinished blog posts languish as drafts. To top it off, I have now gone four days without a workout and have not cooked a full meal since last Wednesday.

In the midst of it all, I went through my first week in a new position at my company. The switch has forced me to closely inspect all aspects of my future goals. Financially, I found I would be living paycheck to paycheck if I did not tutor and freelance. No matter how I crunched the numbers, I cannot currently afford to leave the apartment unless I work past 5.

Over the past week, I have been pitching stories like mad. Though some of these ideas will be unpaid, I will still get to gain experience in the field and possibly cultivating larger future projects. I have also started putting together a master list of potential, likely and unlikely publications I would like to write for.

Since all the my public school tutees returned from spring break, my schedule has been steady. Even then, I have started reserving at least part of one weeknight to visit with friends and family. The small amount of mental health space that this move has created keeps me saner and more centered.

The combination of my schedule and the new social media policy at work has left me with little time for online interactions. That said, I’ve still managed to geek out over Doctor Who all over the Twitterverse, hang out with a new friend and write out some (very modest) resolutions for the new season.

I will be introducing a new editorial feature later this week and another at the beginning of next week. The first will be website and app reviews for services that I have found to be incredibly helpful. The second will spotlight people in Birmingham who are harnessing social networking tools to foster growth, development and general awesomeness in the community. I will also begin sharing some of my favorite entries from Birmingham Box Set as I get them posted.

Hang on, y’all. We’re in for a ride.

Title today comes from 10 Things I Hate About You. "I think you can in Europe."

I could be a part-time model

When I meet most people for the first time, they tend to notice I'm 6'1". Their first three questions are, without fail, "Did you play basketball?" "Did you play volleyball?" and "Do you model?"

Y'all, stop asking. I lose my balance and am easily disoriented in brightly lit noisy places. There's a reason Adam started calling me Baby Giraffe, and it's not the length of my neck. I didn't even make the school's basketball team in middle school. I started into band and honors/AP classes instead.

Yes, I remember Michael Jordan's story. Yes, I wanted to be the first rocket scientist/WNBA All Star player when I was a kid. And yes, I now recognize that the two careers might be slightly incompatible.

At this point in the conversation, the other party is usually either laughing or edging away nervously. I've found that reactions to this line of questioning are really good for weeding out those who don't belong in my life. They wouldn't last long anyways.

One of the reasons I love social media is that it removes my height entirely from my social interactions. In the online world, my height isn't intimidating. It's not a factor available for judgment. I can be perfectly average until I prove myself witty or otherwise interesting.

It's also easier to make friends through the use of my brain in this medium because I am an ambivert. Though I have no fear of talking to new people and make friends fairly easily, I also require time to myself to remain fully functional. When I get overstimulated on social media, I can simply turn off my computer and the notifications on my phone.

Most people don't take that news as well in person. For some reason, telling people you need to go sit by yourself doesn't make many friends. That said, it's time for me to go drink a "Space Balls"-inspired beer and curl up with a blanket.

Title today from Flight of the Conchords "Most Beautiful Girl In The Room."

You got to hold on

Out of my ten or so 2013 New Year's resolutions, only one has been doable. I have turned off the radio. At first, it was a struggle. Top 40 pop music is not challenging. Each saccharine-sweet song follows a predictable pattern and ends within three minutes. Some songs may be catchier than others, but none are truly remarkable. It's easy.

Silence and good music aren't. Each forces the listener to confront parts of his or her life that are easily overlooked when overlaid with silly lyrics and a pounding beat. After three or four days of complete silence on my morning drive, I was more refreshed and slightly less grumpy. The drives between tutoring sessions became opportunities for reviving my energy level, not trying to keep it artificially elevated with coffee and radio programs laced with celebrity gossip.

As a music writer, finding and tracking new artists keeps your writing fresh and your friends and readers excited. Turning off the radio gave me the chance to look up bands that friends had suggested, like The Lone Bellow, or were promoting, like St. Paul and the Broken Bones. Once I started looking, I began rediscovering amazingly talented local groups and friends of friends.

On one particularly stressful afternoon, I turned to one of my Spotify playlists. Though I was stuck in traffic and already 30 minutes late for an appointment, I started to relax. By the end of the third song, I almost felt like I was sipping pinot noir in a warm bath, not zooming around from job to job.

Each day, each of us chooses what to consume. For me, music is sustenance for my spirit just as food sustains my body. Choosing quality here is necessary to my happiness, and has allowed me some space that is distinctly mine. So far, it has freed up time outside the car for me to begin to work on other resolutions that have been so easy to break. Next up, exercise.

Today's title comes from The Alabama Shakes' "Hold On."

Stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake

In college, overcommitment and sleep deprivation were not the norm. They were the expectation. Studying physics and English literature, interning (then freelancing), working the occasional part-time job and tutoring filled my days and much of my nights. Starting a job in a corporate environment after college didn’t help my schedule. Instead of freeing up time I would have tutored to make ends meet, my desk job motivated me to tutor more so that I would be doing some meaningful work. After each day of 7-10 hours of mind-numbing digital paper pushing, it became one of the only reminders that I had the potential to make a difference in the world.

During these days, I honed my social media connectivity skills and plumbed the depths of my nerdiness with the podcasts and amazing websites that my friends had shared. At work, I made one close friend within my department. We quickly figured out a schedule of legitimate-ish activities that broke up the (web surfing and) data entry. However, the first few days were rough. Neither of us knew if the other was a well-disguised psychopath or, as it turned out, an Archer aficionado and YouTube master. He started roughly three weeks before I did and turned in his two weeks' notice four days before I did the same.

After we stopped working way out Highway 280 (Pass the "Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here" sign, go up the hill and it'll be your next right), we kept up through e-mail and social media. Kind of.

Aside from the friends I work or live with, most of my social interactions resemble a game of catch up. Most of what I know about their lives comes from either their social media profiles or their responses to a random text. Part of it comes from an inherent fear of what will happen if I let go of a part of my busyness. I have been a tutor AND student AND freelance writer for long enough living any other way is ... inconceivable.

Recently, I have started trying to pry away little pieces of that busyness to make time for family, friends and self-care. My budget got even tighter, but the time I have to enjoy is much more valuable. If not for social media, most of these conversations would be inquiries about mutual friends and their quotidian activities. Instead, we talk music and religion and beer and science and love.

The main problem now is figuring out a way to allot just a bit more time each day to communicating with friends. For now, I'll stick with the relationships I have -- they're way more entertaining than cable.

Today’s title courtesy of Relient K’s “Be My Escape.”

Remind us our days are all numbered, not spent

I have officially broken all of my New Years resolutions except my vow to turn off the radio (more on that in a later post). Internet, I have not worked out three times per week, I have not been practicing mindfulness and I sure as heck have not kept to a regular editorial calendar. For the past two weeks, family, work, tutoring and freelance deadlines have taken priority over writing and social media work. Excluding writing, at my last count I had clocked around 125 work hours over those 14 days.

Each night afterwards, I parked myself on the couch and did not move until bed time. Social media has afforded me the chance to stay in contact with family members from parts abroad and friends I miss. In some ways, the immediacy of Twitter and Facebook makes that feeling more difficult, as you can see what that person is doing without actually being able to physically hang out.

During trips and ventures abroad, social media allows you to keep in contact with your friends at home. However, that amount of distance complicates the most special aspect of social media -- the need to connect in person to cement a relationship. It's very easy to change your wording and appearance online, but it takes a different set of skills to connect offline.

Recently, I have also stayed off social media because I'm tired and I don't anything interesting or positive to say. I've been marathoning episodes of Psych after work, so my pop culture references are pretty limited. As for blogging, I've started and deleted quite a few posts over the past couple weeks, but I aim to change that trend.

Title comes from "Bleeding Out" by The Lone Bellow. This line has been stuck in my head for three out of the last five days.

Drink it in

My only slips back into drinking coffee happen during Sunday brunch. During the week, my first two cups of tea are usually caffeinated, but their caffeine seems to ease my brain and body back into consciousness. On the other hand, coffee speeds up my heat rate and typing, shocks my brain into overdrive and keeps me shaking. In thinking about these physical effects, I realized that coffee and black tea are the morning equivalents of whiskey and pinot noir. Good coffee, like good whiskey, has a taste that coils around anything mixed with it. The smell of either lingers in your hair and clothing until the next wash, making the drinks hard to forget. These two are easy to drink at the serving temperature, but are more enjoyable if sipped. Each has a bite and a warmth, but can leave you jittery and tired long after you finish your last sip. Each* is good for large-scale social interactions. Both pair well with pork, and both can leave you dehydrated if you aren't careful.

Like pinot noir, Earl Grey dances around any correct pairing, flirting with the taste profile but still keeping its independence. How each is mixed, aged and packaged will have a deep impact on its richness and depth. In my opinion, tea and wine* are more comfortably drunk with a blanket and a book on a cold night. Personally, I find these drinks to be more intimate. I don't usually meet someone for wine or tea until I know that I can be comfortable being quiet and still around that person.

Growing up, coffee was the drink for group meals, before school and breakfasts on the run. Black tea was for enjoyment during leisurely mornings, and herbal tea for sick days or evenings. I miss the ritual of making and drinking coffee in the mornings, but I find that my mood is more even with tea. Perhaps one Sunday I will decide that my one or two cups of coffee each week are no longer worth the shaky hands, but not today. Today I will write.

*Or beer. I didn't include beer in this post because of the variety of beers available.

All my lovin', I will give to you

When Adam and I had been dating for about six months, a friend told me that he wanted the kind of online relationship that my beau and I had. Ladies and gents, I present to you the social media contract we signed when we started dating.

I will leave you notes on your Facebook wall and send you articles I think you would appreciate. I will travel to the ends of the Internet to find witty cat pictures that will make you smile. I will never post the pictures I took of you that time you were sleeping. I mean, what?

I will occasionally post things that make me laugh hysterically but that don't amuse you. Deal with it. If you're nice, I'll offset those posts by making you dinner. If not, I'll carry on posting. Outside of Facebook, you can have your forum memberships if I can stay on Twitter. I don't have that much to say about cars or fashion outside of "Ooo. Pretty!"

If you watch television shows that I do not or cannot, I promise to read summaries so we can discuss the broader points of the show. I will get angry about people posting spoilers even if I'm never, ever going to watch the episodes. I promise to find funny related memes and post them where all our friends can see.

Most importantly, I promise to keep the personal details of our relationship off of social media. Any information I wouldn't freely share with my grandmother does not belong on the Internet. I care for you, and that means respecting your privacy ... even if I start a blog.

Title today comes from one of my favorite Beatles songs, "All My Loving." 

Author's note: Adam and I joke about having signed this type of contract. It's not a literal document.

When love is Savage

I will preface this post by saying that I'm a huge fan of Dan Savage. When Adam introduced me to his column Savage Love, I blew through seven years' worth of archived columns in just over three weeks. That said, I have a problem with his idea of GGG partners. According to Savage, all partners should be GGG, or good, giving and game in the bedroom and relationship. It's a great idea, but it implies that men and women come into the relationship after the same cultural experience. That doesn't happen often.

The pressure on women to be yielding and compliant starts at an early age. Textbooks are saturated with the long-ingrained ideas of "female" and "male" leadership, sexuality and communication as fundamentally, inherently different. Women are expected to act in nurturing, caring and kind, and if they react to situations strongly or take charge of their desires, labelled as bitches or whores. Indoctrination often begins with the playground roles that girls and boys play.

It's even easier for men to play the guilt card for women with the backing of a sex and love columnist. When you're already conditioned that the way to love, true love, is to be the beautiful damsel in distress à la Disney, it's easy to believe that you're not (adventurous, worthy, beautiful, knowledgeable) enough.

This entry was written after a series of conversations with a good friend on the subject. Thanks, K.

Lady in scrubs

I see more as I get older that the definition of a Southern lady is less a woman with good manners and more one who can say anything to your face and have you thinking she's a sweet person when you walk away.  I came to this conclusion after affecting an old South accent and a smile with patients at my workplace (Haaai, hun! Ah will get those papers awout to you in just a mihnit). People immediately relax after I start talking.

Today one patient in  particular began haranguing me about her relative's pain and its reaction to narcotics. I looked up from the computer and firmly explained the dangers of taking more medicine than prescribed. Her reaction: "Why didn't anyone  explain it to me like that in the first place?" Seriously.*

They had. Multiple times. It wasn't me, so the only thing I can think of that caused her reaction was the accent. Later on, I mentioned something about it to a couple of the doctors I work with and started presenting with the accent. Hilarity ensued.

Fortunately or not, emotion and accent aren't conveyed through text messages, Facebook or Twitter unless you're emulating Faulkner and/or an emoticon-happy 12-year-old. The only way to be a lady (or a gentleman) in these media is to be nice. The electronic record you create here does not go away, so if you're rude to someone through their page or indirectly, it sticks. Instead of being a lady, you're just being rude.

The Golden Rule applies to social media interactions. Use it and live it, folks.

*Side note: Y'all, taking medications as prescribed is important for your health. Also, read the labels. 

Keep your sickness off my newsfeed

During the past week, I've drunk more tea than a British grandmother and fallen asleep during two movies. Yes, I have the sinus-y ick that's going around, and yes, I'm taking lots of vitamins and herbal supplements to fight it. I have also made a short list of bodily functions that should never, ever be put on social media.

1. Snot talk If I wanted to know the details of your illness, I'd go to med school and specialize in family medicine. I haven't yet, so use your text messages and voice minutes to tell your friends and family your symptoms, not your Facebook or Twitter feeds.

2. Bowel movements I don't want to know what goes on in your bathroom. Neither does your mother.

3. Updates from your tear ducts This item is directed to all the people who tend to emotionally word vomit on my feed. If you want to talk about your breakup or have a problem with me, call or private message me. I'm less sympathetic to your personal plight if it is so personal you have to share it with your social media networks. Also, if you live Tweet or Facebook your feelings about anything other than concerts, movies or other performances or events, chances are I've already hidden your posts. I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not.

4. What you eat Unless you're making an special meal or something that is really, really delicious, I don't care. "OMG my yogurt and granola was super healthy this morning LOL" would make me want to scream. If you aren't sharing a homemade yogurt recipe along with your terrible grammar, don't make the post at all.