I get by with a little help from my friends

Last year, one of my favorite posts for Blog Like Crazy was about the power of female friendship. Though the majority of 2013 has been better than 2012, it's been friends of both genders who have made sure I stayed as sane as possible. They have shown me what love can add to even the fullest life and have embraced me and all my flaws.

The people I call friends have been amazingly supportive during my transition out of 9-to-5s that I hated. They were encouraging and loving, but if I was miserable and wouldn't admit it, they were more than willing to give me the kick in the ass that I desperately needed. It's been this strength and high set of standards that's lead me to demand more for myself and my life.

Bartending is a largely male-dominated field, and here in the South that can mean that women in the industry are held to a different standard. It's not easy, but it's satisfying and surprisingly intellectual work that adds layers and layers of complexity to what would appear to be a straightforward basic skill set. At Octane, I was the first woman to successfully complete the barbacking process at Octane, and am one of only a handful of female craft bartenders in the city.

My female friends especially have been my biggest cheerleaders in starting to bartend, so it's been amazingly refreshing to be able to pass along that support. Jack Wyrick, one of my incredibly talented photog/blogging/creative/handy friends (if you don't know her work, check out this and this), started at Octane this past Saturday. Seeing her focused on learning and joking around with people made me proud and excited for the future of the food industry and, more importantly, my friends here in Birmingham.

Y'all, it's important to earn money, but it's just as important to make a life instead of a living. My friends have pushed me even when it wasn't comfortable financially or psychologically to work towards what would make me happy, not what would provide benefits or a set 401K. Their support in hard times has gotten me through any and all obstacles in my way. They enrich my life with their stories and their advice, and I can't really and truly can't thank them enough.

Fiercely feminine

Being a woman in the South isn't easy. Social pressures build the image of the perfect woman as demure, witty but not too smart and permanently happy. As the daughter of teachers, I was brought up to believe that living fully required the pursuit of knowledge. Though I was taught respect, I wasn't taught to suppress my opinions to garner public favor or to act any less intelligent than I am. I was brought up to be a nerd, and it's now a comfortable part of my identity.

When I started my first office job, being a woman wasn't easy. Within a month, I had found out that raises and promotions were scarce, and for women they were almost nonexistent. Most of my female coworkers had gotten married straight out of college and their lives revolved around their work and husbands. Yes, there was a significant age difference between us, but our interests rarely overlapped. My main point of connection with the others was through the knitting group that met twice a week. Even though I kept quiet for most of the time to avoid offending anyone, knitting became my camouflage.

Outside of work, knitting has always been a way to befriend other women. I've spent hours detangling yarn over wine while talking about breakups and childhood and friendship and knitting and sometimes nothing. These sessions have taught me patience, grace and meditation. My gentle friends have helped me to relax through and in knitting, teasing me about my tight stitches (seriously, it was ridiculous) and giving me room to adjust into a more comfortable technique.

Most importantly, knitting has taught me friendship. After a rough breakup, one of my friends sat with me while I untangled a lot of yarn. I wasn't talking, but she was showing me a very deep love by being there. As another friend says, "That's what friends do. They sit." For me, knitting with others is sitting. It's a way to be there without the pressure of conversation or convention. It's a space to relax into the motions and to sort out the tangled threads of thought.

Recently, I haven't been knitting. I haven't been spending time with my support network or the beautiful women who taught me so much. It's past time to pick it back up, but time and financial constraints have restricted my ability to do so. With the weather getting colder, there will probably nights in the near future where I curl up with a mug of tea, blanket and my knitting for some well-deserved rest, but for right now, I'll just nap.

Blogging Bucket List

For a long time, I've been afraid to write a bucket list for blogging. I have a list of publications I want a byline in, but I've been subconsciously viewing my blog as a very personal project. Though its an active sample of my writing, assigning goals for its use holds me accountable and almost takes it out of my personal control. Today, though, I'm taking the leap into commitment to my blog. I've started cross posting each cocktail history blog post to liquor.com and to The Southern Coterie, so in some ways it's already gotten serious.

• Marketing. Leveraging my blog to connect with new writing markets and clients will expand the possibilities for my writing career. It should also help me to overcome my aversion to writing about myself and pitching my services.
• Traffic. I've recently reached out to several highly visible bloggers to guest post or regularly contribute to their work. These steps should hopefully boost my traffic and readership, which may aid in marketing.
• Monetization. Though it might not pay any of my bills, using the blog as a passive source of income could provide a few extra dollars for my savings and/or retirement. It may not seem like a lot now, but every dollar put away now is one I don't have to worry about in 40 years.
• Connections. The connections I've made while blogging have been invaluable. It's been a way to connect with other writers and like-minded individuals. Like social media, it's a fantastic way to start conversations with those you admire. After the first connection is established and it's natural, continuing the conversation over coffee is easy. In today's world, that's how some true friendships begin. I love this aspect of the web-based world and will continue to seek out and build these relationships.